The Day I met Paul McCartney

There are moments in life that seem impossibly small while they are happening, and yet they quietly divide our lives into “before” and “after.”

At the time, I was working at Skywalker Ranch for George Lucas. From the outside it looked like a dream job. It was prestigious, exciting, and well paid. Inside, though, I was deeply unhappy.

What I really wanted was a life with plants.

I dreamed about gardens. I imagined myself working with soil, flowers, and trees, though I had no business plan, no clear ambition, and no idea how I would support myself if I walked away. I only knew there was a longing that refused to disappear.

After returning from a two-week vacation, I pulled into the parking lot of the technical building at Skywalker Sound. The campus was breathtakingly beautiful, almost impossibly perfect. As I got out of my car and walked toward the back entrance, I noticed someone standing alone, just one man.

I looked again.

It was Paul McCartney.

There was no entourage. No crowd. Just Paul McCartney standing quietly outside.

I had been a Beatles fan for more than thirty years. Like so many people of my generation, their music had helped shape my imagination, my values, and my understanding of what creativity could be. Paul had always been my favorite Beatle.

My heart was racing.

I also knew the unspoken rule at Skywalker: celebrities came there because they could work in peace. Employees did not interrupt them. So I took a breath and simply kept walking. As I approached, he looked directly at me, smiled, gave me a little nod and a wink, and said something like, “Hello there. How are you doing?”

Time stopped.

It was surreal. The Beatles had always belonged to another world, truly to mythology. They existed in records, movies, photographs, and songs that played in my head, not in the parking lot outside my office.

Even at Skywalker Ranch, where extraordinary artists came through regularly, Paul’s presence felt different. Everyone was excited that he was there. His influence, creativity, and cultural impact seemed to eclipse everyone else.

Then something happened that I can only describe with the Sanskrit word darshan. Darshan means “sight” or “vision,” but it also refers to the sacred experience of seeing and being seen by someone whose presence awakens something profound within you.In that brief moment, it felt as though a light passed through me. I heard these words with complete clarity:

“Do what you really want to do, Leana. That’s what he does.”

The message didn’t seem to come from Paul himself. It arose somewhere deeper, as though my own soul had finally found a voice I could hear.

I smiled, murmured hello as I walked past, doing my best to remain calm and respectful. I honestly have no idea what I actually said. But I have never forgotten what I heard. That afternoon became my last day at Skywalker Ranch.

I spent a little time in the control room watching part of the video they were creating with Paul. Then I packed my desk into a cardboard box, wheeled it out to my car, and drove slowly past the picturesque little guard shack. The guard peeled my parking pass from the windshield, the gate opened and a new chapter began. As I drove away, I wasn’t certain how I would pay my bills or what my future would look like. But for the first time in a long while, I felt something far more valuable than certainty.

I felt free.

Not long afterward, I found my way into horticulture, eventually becoming a nurserywoman, creating gardens, teaching, and spending decades immersed in the world I had longed for.

Looking back now, I don’t think meeting Paul McCartney changed my life.

I think it gave me permission to trust the life that had been quietly calling me all along.

Every Feeling Fully Felt Leads to Love

I have long suspected that one of the greatest fears human beings carry is not the fear of death, failure, or rejection, but the simple fear of feeling deeply.

Many uncomfortable emotions evoke fear simply because they are painful. We spend enormous amounts of time and energy trying not to feel sadness, loss, loneliness, shame, despair, and especially grief. We distract ourselves, numb ourselves, stay busy, stay hopeful, stay productive. Anything but feel what is waiting beneath the surface. And yet there is another way.

Continue reading “Every Feeling Fully Felt Leads to Love”

The Paradox of Vulnerability

The Divine Speaks in Paradox” Robert Johnson

Vulnerability is paradoxical, as what appears at first glance as weakness is actually strength. To be soft, open and undefended, to let the heart remain permeable in a world that rewards armor, this is a profound strength.  It asks us to relax in the unknown without reaching immediately for protection. It asks us to feel what is here, rather than shaping ourselves into something more acceptable, more contained, more controlled. Stepping fully into a paradox takes courage, and yet, it may be the  place where we truly find ourselves.

Continue reading “The Paradox of Vulnerability”

If you want to heal it, you gotta feel it…

 

My inner voice said repeatedly: “Okay self – you got this, you’re good, you’re balanced and happy.  You keep calm under stressful circumstances.  Years of meditation, spiritual healing and “inner work” seemed to have done the trick and helped keep your emotional life stable and simple.”

Continue reading “If you want to heal it, you gotta feel it…”

Honesty and forgiveness

I’ve been pondering the effect of dishonesty lately as a potential cause of unkind and even violent behavior.  Is it possible that when we do not speak truthfully that the ramifications are broader than we thought possible?  Besides the immediate results or by-products of telling a lie, or speaking untruthfully (same, same) what kind of ripple effect does that have on our unconscious mind?  What kinds of behaviors are triggered by this cognitive dissonance?  And how, after engaging in dishonest behavior can we set things right in our inner being?

It seems to be that awareness is the first and biggest step towards healing any of our painful personal issues.  It takes willingness and courage to face ourselves.  And yet, once acknowledged the benefits of self-reflection are great, and the saying “no pain, no gain” is true for inner work as much as for physical workouts.  When we first see the ways we don’t live up to our own highest wishes for ourselves it can be painful and cause us to feel ashamed .  And yet, the choice to hide from our own wounded and misaligned parts (also called the shadow) will inevitably cause more pain, and is not a long term solution, no matter how much our mind can trick us into thinking it is a good choice.  Addictions stem partly from the inability to face our shadow, and I would include the collective shadow as well.  Many of our so-called “coping mechanisms” arise from the fear of looking in the virtual mirror of our actions and thoughts.

Courage, dear friends, since the only way out is through. As with most fears, this fear of being inadequate, once faced, loses all its strength.  Instead of sapping our life force, truth increases it and we can align with our personal power.  To me, the meaning of personal power is this:  the ability to live from the authentic calling of our own being.  Being swayed to change so that we can fit in or keep another person happy are ways that we lose power, we disconnect from our being’s most genuine knowing.  Some would say (and I agree) that we disconnect from our soul.  This is not a place of power, but is a place of weakness.

Take heart, for courage is always available to us when we live in awareness.  The more carefully we listen to our “soul” the more we can step directly into a life of courage and integrity.  There are many ways to learn this – don’t take my word for it, this is verifiable by each one of us.  How does it feel to tell the truth?  How does it feel to tell a lie?  From that information, choose your path….Choose Love!

What are the best practices to engage deeply with our own psyche?  I have used what is called “insight meditation” as a tool for inner exploration.  It is simple in concept but takes commitment to reap the full rewards of this practice.  First, sit in a comfortable upright position – spine aligned, shoulders back and down, and close your eyes and begin to breathe deeply.  Once you’ve settled into this breath and feel comfortable and centered, then bring up the question that is calling for an answer.  Hold this question in your mind, if it slips away, gently bring it back to the forefront.  Using this technique I have experienced an effect like descending a rope into the inner chambers of my mind.  Down down down, into the places of unconsciousness lies the answer to the question, waiting silently to be discovered.  When it is reached, an epiphany can occur.

Be sure to come up out of this state with gentleness and self-kindness.  This is an important discovery that has just been made.  It calls for more reflection and contemplation in order to derive the most benefit.  It will be life-changing, of that I am certain.  It is well worth any time spent to unlock the secrets of your own soul.

Bless the journey!