The Day I met Paul McCartney

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There are moments in life that seem impossibly small while they are happening, and yet they quietly divide our lives into “before” and “after.”

At the time, I was working at Skywalker Ranch for George Lucas. From the outside it looked like a dream job. It was prestigious, exciting, and well paid. Inside, though, I was deeply unhappy.

What I really wanted was a life with plants.

I dreamed about gardens. I imagined myself working with soil, flowers, and trees, though I had no business plan, no clear ambition, and no idea how I would support myself if I walked away. I only knew there was a longing that refused to disappear.

After returning from a two-week vacation, I pulled into the parking lot of the technical building at Skywalker Sound. The campus was breathtakingly beautiful, almost impossibly perfect. As I got out of my car and walked toward the back entrance, I noticed someone standing alone, just one man.

I looked again.

It was Paul McCartney.

There was no entourage. No crowd. Just Paul McCartney standing quietly outside.

I had been a Beatles fan for more than thirty years. Like so many people of my generation, their music had helped shape my imagination, my values, and my understanding of what creativity could be. Paul had always been my favorite Beatle.

My heart was racing.

I also knew the unspoken rule at Skywalker: celebrities came there because they could work in peace. Employees did not interrupt them. So I took a breath and simply kept walking. As I approached, he looked directly at me, smiled, gave me a little nod and a wink, and said something like, “Hello there. How are you doing?”

Time stopped.

It was surreal. The Beatles had always belonged to another world, truly to mythology. They existed in records, movies, photographs, and songs that played in my head, not in the parking lot outside my office.

Even at Skywalker Ranch, where extraordinary artists came through regularly, Paul’s presence felt different. Everyone was excited that he was there. His influence, creativity, and cultural impact seemed to eclipse everyone else.

Then something happened that I can only describe with the Sanskrit word darshan. Darshan means “sight” or “vision,” but it also refers to the sacred experience of seeing and being seen by someone whose presence awakens something profound within you.In that brief moment, it felt as though a light passed through me. I heard these words with complete clarity:

“Do what you really want to do, Leana. That’s what he does.”

The message didn’t seem to come from Paul himself. It arose somewhere deeper, as though my own soul had finally found a voice I could hear.

I smiled, murmured hello as I walked past, doing my best to remain calm and respectful. I honestly have no idea what I actually said. But I have never forgotten what I heard. That afternoon became my last day at Skywalker Ranch.

I spent a little time in the control room watching part of the video they were creating with Paul. Then I packed my desk into a cardboard box, wheeled it out to my car, and drove slowly past the picturesque little guard shack. The guard peeled my parking pass from the windshield, the gate opened and a new chapter began. As I drove away, I wasn’t certain how I would pay my bills or what my future would look like. But for the first time in a long while, I felt something far more valuable than certainty.

I felt free.

Not long afterward, I found my way into horticulture, eventually becoming a nurserywoman, creating gardens, teaching, and spending decades immersed in the world I had longed for.

Looking back now, I don’t think meeting Paul McCartney changed my life.

I think it gave me permission to trust the life that had been quietly calling me all along.

Every Feeling Fully Felt Leads to Love

Leana LovejoyLeave a comment

I have long suspected that one of the greatest fears human beings carry is not the fear of death, failure, or rejection, but the simple fear of feeling deeply.

Many uncomfortable emotions evoke fear simply because they are painful. We spend enormous amounts of time and energy trying not to feel sadness, loss, loneliness, shame, despair, and especially grief. We distract ourselves, numb ourselves, stay busy, stay hopeful, stay productive. Anything but feel what is waiting beneath the surface. And yet there is another way.

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The Paradox of Vulnerability

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“The Divine Speaks in Paradox” Robert Johnson

Vulnerability is paradoxical, as what appears at first glance as weakness is actually strength. To be soft, open and undefended, to let the heart remain permeable in a world that rewards armor, this is a profound strength.  It asks us to relax in the unknown without reaching immediately for protection. It asks us to feel what is here, rather than shaping ourselves into something more acceptable, more contained, more controlled. Stepping fully into a paradox takes courage, and yet, it may be the  place where we truly find ourselves.

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Mary Poppins and the Shamanic Way

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Sometimes, our earliest teachers come in the form of stories.
Sometimes, they arrive on the wind.
May we all remember the magic that hums beneath the surface of our ordinary days —
and may we have the courage to fly when the wind invites us onward.

As my life has unfolded in ways no suburban child could have imagined, I have found myself drawn again and again to those who walk between worlds — shamanic healers from distant countries and ancient traditions. My mind delights in the threads that weave them together: songs that heal, prayers whispered to the wind, and the steadfast belief that the seen and unseen are in constant conversation.

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When Kindness Becomes Self-Abandonment

Leana Lovejoy1 Comment


There comes a moment when you realize the love you give to others must be matched by the love you give yourself. This is not a selfish act—it is the very soil in which your well-being grows. Without tending those roots, your empathy can become an open door for harm. But when you nurture your own ground, your compassion deepens, your boundaries strengthen, and you bloom in ways no storm can undo.

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What does it really take to heal?

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Healing—true, deep, and lasting healing—is one of life’s greatest challenges. As someone who has lived through and healed two serious illnesses, I’ve learned that healing requires more than just following a treatment plan. It demands resilience, intuition, and an open mind.

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Turn All of Your Obstacles into Your Superpowers – Jai Ganesha

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Ganesha, the Hindu elephant God is revered as the remover of obstacles, among other things.  The mythology that surrounds him is varied, and the messages within it as well, but one day, while chanting a Sanskrit mantra devoted to the worship of Ganesha I saw it clearly – he made the most of his larger than life-sized obstacle, namely wearing the head of an elephant and turned that to such good purpose that he was deified.  It catapulted him into the realm of the Gods.   He’s also quite tubby, a quality that is not often respected by mortal humans, instead it is considered a sign of weakness.  However, in this case it simply increases his adorability manyfold!  Jai Ganesha!  We love you!

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When feelings ferment, we resent

Leana Lovejoy2 Comments

When a negative feeling is deemed necessary or appropriate it just seems to sit in the psyche and ferment. As it sits it becomes more and more toxic and more and more sour. This is the way of the “fermented feelings” they are unpleasant and unhealthy. Where do they come from? How do we heal them? This is exactly what I’ve been contemplating lately.

I began to face my own long-standing pattern of unconsciously creating resentment towards others. It has been purely subconscious but has just revealed itself as the fertile ground for the harmful thought streams it has created. As I delve more deeply into some long held resentments I see that the actual resentment is towards myself for not speaking up in the very moment when I feel mistreated or disrespected by another. Often called “self-abandonment” I’m actively working to call out this “people pleaser” part of me and replace it with healthier attitudes. I’m finally experiencing the lightness of life without all the built up toxicity of unpleasant encounters created during the times I didn’t have the capacity or courage to speak up for myself.

Self abandonment is a trauma response. Neglected as a child, as many of us were, we struggled to find ways to be loved and cared for and learned that speaking up was not one of them. I forgive my Mother who also suffered neglect from parents whose survival was in question during the Great Depression and feel a great sense of relief at having finally seen this coping mechanism revealed as what it is – self harm.

The first wave is most likely the awareness of the events that created unhealthy emotions. Clarity begins to emerge from the swirl of emotion – heart is reclaimed from the egoic territory of negativity and judgment. The challenge is clear. The destination is also clear but the vehicle is not. How is this destination of pure hearted love and forgiveness (including self forgiveness) reached? What meditation or exercise can do this? How do I really forgive myself? Is the recognition of what I want to forgive enough to catalyze the healing? What are the next steps beyond recognition and deeper recognition of the ways the resentments were created? How can I learn to speak up for myself in the future so I don’t continue to create more of the same? ‘

This IS the path – learning to “unrepress” emotions and access them in real time… the big work… the way to nirvana, samadhi, peace, contentment. No more fermented of feelings…

I have noticed in my life when I learn something new that there is always an opportunity to put into place my newest lessons or understandings. Bam! The universe gives me an almost immediate opportunity to see if I have learned what I wanted to learn or is it back to the drawing board as I recognize myself falling right into old familiar habits. Never fear, there will be more opportunities. Sometimes change comes quickly, other times it takes longer, more opportunities arise… this is life, in fact. Enjoy it!

Love – the mirror

The shadow part of our unconscious has a talent and desire to cause trouble for us. So it becomes of paramount important to find a way to prevent the meddlesome troublemaking of our shadow sides.

Leana LovejoyLeave a comment

I have lived most of my life believing that love is always positive, that love only speaks the kindest truth… that love sees with the heart. And I still believe this but as a new way of discerning kindness has been shown to me. It has become very clear to me that a very effective way to see ourselves is to use love, friendship or intimacy as a mirror and allow the love to open us more fully to ourselves and also to see the places we may not see clearly ourselves. Only in a trusted connection of friendship and real love can this function in the highest way.

There is a necessity to be able to face all of ourselves, the light and the dark to continue growing and expanding in higher consciousness. Our shadow side is sneaky, when we look there, our shadow diappears! It can only be seen by looking behind and those who have the best view are often outside ourselves. Our friends and family can help us to become the people we want to be with loving feedback and observation.

This is tricky turf, though. In many relationships and families most of us have witnessed this process being subverted through criticism and verbal abuse. The eyes of love do not see in a judgmental way. Love is patient, love is kind… love especially is kind.

Cultivating relationships and intimacies with others can help us see where we are on the path – “as within, so without”. What kinds of friends do you have? How are they reflecting your shadow side back to you? Awareness is the first big step towards change and healing.

There is another sneaky way the human mind can cloud the mirror, and it is fairly common and very hard to detect from the inside. It is called “projection” where we imagine others to be making us our victims when we are also enacting the behavior we judge in others. By listening to our own judgements of others we can learn to perceive ourselves more clearly, clean our mirrors and heal the ways we judge ourselves and project that outward into the world.

Our shadows want to be seen, to be acknowledged and respected. When that doesn’t happen there are some interesting ways the shadow demands attention. For one there can be a tendency for those with troubled feelings to find someone to whom they can “confess” their darker thoughts and tendencies. It is a cry for help, and a cry for loving attention. The shadow part of our unconscious has a talent and desire to cause trouble for us. So it becomes of paramount important to find a way to prevent the meddlesome troublemaking of our shadow sides. This really is BIG work. Therapists are one powerful avenue towards self -love, and it is important to feel support and respect in that relationship. Close friends can also help us, as can intimate partners. The enmeshment of intimacy does seem to cloud things though and it may not be best to depend on your partner for this support. Sometimes it works to engage in “co-counseling” with a friend where you share time, each giving and receiving emotional support and loving feedback.

I love to contemplate the story of the Chinese Goddess of Compassion – Kwan Yin. She is so filled with love and compassion that she actually rides a dragon to her destination. I understand this to be the illustration of the truth that only love, more love and more compassion can fully integrate the powerful, fiery, potentially destructive parts of our psyche into balance to serve the highest good.

How have you tamed your dragons today? Let’s talk!